Hi,
Yes, I do own a fast expensive car but will undoubtedly come up with lots of excuses why you never actually see it!
I own my own business, made profits last year of over £2,198,000. It’s just that I enjoy wearing cheap suits, High Karate aftershave and ASDA trainers (just in case we meet!)
I am intelligent and cultured. Porno films ARE the equivalent of naked fat birds in old paintings and Amadeus Mozart would be into gangster rap if he were alive today!
...does this sound a familiar story?

If so read on for a refreshing change...

6ft 4, dark short hair, bright blue eyes, broad shoulders, stocky build Female Friends say devastatingly good looking (with "come to bed after my husbands gone out" eyes )
(Helen, don't tell your husband!)
I'm honest & reliable, which I've discovered are quite rare!
I know my own mind though I am open minded to the views of others. (As long as they change their views to mine. then we're all happy aren't we!)
I enjoy nights out and cosy nights in bed, on my own with a good book and a four pack of Stella, bottle of wine, and cry myself to sleep on my big soggy pillow!
I'm a smoker. In fact I have tried to stop smoking on a number of occasions. Using different tactics and techniques, e.g., smoking less a day and slowly decreasing the intake. However, before I know where I am I've started again... I just don't have the will power!
(I even tried those patches with limited success... but, they smell awful when you light them!)
Recently tried hypnosis and now I'm convinced I've got mad cow disease!
New to area, work & Live in villages surrounding Surrey in construction management.
I don't get to meet many single women, they tend to cross over the road when they see me coming! (I've already had the married ones!)
I enjoy trying new things / positions,
never tried anything like this before but what the hec Try anything once! (But draw the line at Gravitationally challenged swamp donkeys)


Just a couple of small observations.
For a start, why is it that people (and I myself am guilty of this) will edit their profile, but still leave the part about "being new at this" in?
fair enough, first time I wrote my profile out, I was genuinely new to this, but now this is the second time I’ve edited this profile, therefore being the third time I have created a profile. Maybe it's because I’m still not 100%with it, so I’m just pretending it's my first attempt because I’m embarrassed that I still haven't come up with anything better, And on the subject of profiles, nobody seems to want to write their own profile. Why?
Valid questions I think. Now what would be fun is to get our ex's to write our profiles. The success rate here would go down, but it'd be a bloody good laugh.
Another observation is that I must admit, I do like a walk on the beach. Granted, there isn't much beach round here in the middle of Surrey, but if I get me anywhere near a beach, you better believe it baby, I’m walking that beach.
I'm not just going to walk on that beach, I’m going to stroll, ramble, amble, strut, saunter, run, scamper, bloody well tap dance, my way down that beach.
You’re going to have a real hard time getting me off the beach once I’m on it.
But the thing is, that EVERYONE else here seems to enjoy walks on the beach just as much as me. How many beaches are there in south west anyway? We must bump into each other ALL THE TIME, like some Night Of The Living Dead army of single people all WALKING ON THE BEACH.
Chris Rea should do the theme tune for us.
We should have secret handshakes so we know who each other are.
Judging by the adds on this site us singles are wholly responsible for keeping the likes of Blockbuster in business, with our endless nights in on the sofa with the obligatory DVD and the cheap bottle of plonk!

Sorry, but if you don't think I’m intelligent, you obviously haven’t seen my plans for global domination.
I've put a down payment on a skull shaped island, complete with secret underground lair and monorail.
I've ordered a couple of thousand neon orange jumpsuits for my legions of doom.
All I need now is a white cat, and a bitter (and slightly barmy) scientist and I’m in business.

My ideal match thus:
Be able to hold intelligent conversation but not on politics or religion (life is too short!)

Be half decent looking but more importantly to be a magician with make up

Be a millionairess and clueless of how to spend it

be able to walk past a shoe shop!

Be able to reverse parallel park on a busy street whilst being watched by me and my mates and Big AL (Big Al isn't one of my mates! non of us like him, he just follows us arround! Just wanted to make that clear)

Be able to put your bra on properly - instead of putting it on backwards fastening it, then twisting it round to the front! (Honestly... if we did that with our underpants we'd end up wearing Z - fronts)


Be able to eat a meal without:
a) a points / calorie / carbs counter
b) a baby monitor
c) a mobile phone
d) a nose bag
e) inviting Big Al

make me laugh, life is too short not to! Have a GSOH with a good side portion of witt.

fit the bill? Want to smile for a while? get in touch

GSOH essential

P.S. If your name is Mrs Glumly and you were / are a chemistry teacher... please get in touch! I have many adolescent sexual fantasies that still require fulfilling!

Ps

I would sincerely like to apologise to Mr Stevenson for any upset I may have caused him and his family, and request that I am not named in any following divorce proceedings. I wish him all the best with his successful boxing career, and do suggest that he ring his wife before coming home early in the future!
(If you want your Batman costume back, drop me a message with your address!)

Big Al, I new you'd read this! stop following us around! Get a Life!

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